Peace

Peace. I want you to just take a moment to reflect on that word. Peace. There is peace after the brokenness.

No one told me what to expect with having my first love, but they also never told me what to expect with losing my first love. I was so broken. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I cried everyday for weeks, and I went into a very dark depressive hole. I tried my best to give off the appearance that I was okay, but I was far from okay.

I second guessed my worth and my self-love. I second guessed whether or not I made the right decision. I felt worthless, I felt like my feelings never mattered, and I felt like he just did not care about me. The sun still rose and set with him on my mind which meant I woke up crying, and I went to sleep crying every single night.

During this stage of my healing process I was very much a shell of myself. I was doing things that I wouldn’t normally do, and partaking in things I wouldn't normally partake in simply to ease the pain that I was feeling. Is it possible to die from heartbreak? In all honesty I thought I was going to.

Then one day the fog cleared. I started back reading my bible, I started praying, I started journaling, and I started reading books that lifted my spirit and soul. My heart didn’t feel so broken anymore. I wasn’t crying anymore. I wasn’t down off in that depressive hole anymore. I still missed him and I still loved him, but I also knew that I could live without him. That’s when I realized that there’s peace after the brokenness.

I had been through so many ups and downs over the past several months that I forgot how peaceful life could be. I was now only having to focus on my wants and needs again, and not that of my significant other as well. It was nice to find that sense of peace again.

I said all of that to say this. In life there are going to be things that will break you. They will break you beyond a point that’s imaginable, but there is peace after the brokenness. Just keep pushing, keep healing, and keep growing. The version of you that comes out on the other side of the brokenness will be beautiful, amazing, powerful, and resilient. That version of you will be unstoppable, just take it from me 😉